Bubba the backyard mechanic and his FUBARs

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kiwi303
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Bubba the backyard mechanic and his FUBARs

Post by kiwi303 »

whats the worst botch job you fellas have come across? I pulled off the intake manifold and had a look at the intake ports on the heads, the backyard bubba who assembled the engine last was a bit slap happy with the liquid rubber and the RTV gasket sealant had oozed into the intake ports, one of the ports was closed down to about 3/4 of it's cross section.

some bolts are missing, on the timing chain cover there are a couple with liquid rubber oozing out the empty bolt holes.

The sump appears to have been sealed with bathroom and window surrounds silicone sealant as being cheaper than liquid rubber RTV gasket sealant, either that or the ass ran out of it!

lets hear your horror stories :D


chodjinn
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Post by chodjinn »

I could take a very accurate guess as to who built that engine! But since you're in NZ it prob wasn't him lol. Like someones avatar on here, its only a botch if it doesn't work!

Worst one i heard about was two yanks who used a .22 cartridge as a fuse when the truck lights went out while driving home one night. Five mins later said cartridge went off, taking the drivers left bollock with it, lost control and crashed into a bridge lol.
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Post by Alley Kat »

When I started rebuilding my bike, I was nosing round and for a sec thought I saw a human hand trapped in the swingarm / back wheel area ... On closer looking it turned out a PO had siliconed outside of a brake hose union and cable-tied a rubber glove round it ... :shock: :lol:

Landy I'm just starting on is not too bad, but throttle linkage was trying to saw through a clutch hard line and 2 heater hoses. Plus some live wires floating about in the bay not a million miles from the leaking carb.
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satancom
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Post by satancom »

My mate runs a garage and has a people carrier in that had a fuel pump problem. It had been bought from an auction..

Anyhow he pulled the pump out of the tank to find the pump was a second hand replacement unit that had the wires twisted together and taped up. The tape had started to 'melt' in the petrol and was giving a bad connection...

one spark and it woulda wiped out the family that had been using it.. Thats just scary!
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Post by jrv8 »

Hi,

Quite a few years ago, a friend of mine bought a car "sold as seen" at a local auction.
Body looked fair enough, but it was off a cylinder. How bad could it be ?

Bought it, drove it home and did a compression test, absolutely zero on the bad cylinder. When the engine was stripped down it was found to be missing the piston and rod on that cylinder. The oil holes on the journal of the crank were sealed off by a strip of a Coke tin held in place with two jubilee clips.

Jim
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Ian Anderson
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Post by Ian Anderson »

I wish you guys would stop talking about my "fixes"

Good friend in charge of Marley in Zambia a number of years ago bought a brand new Merc - took my folks out to a wedding - coming home the oil light cam on. Stopped and found there was a pool appearing under the car - and no sump plug! Reversed into a garage to park it up and went to use the "restroom" to wash his hands - covered in oil. Noticed after finishing washing that the brass plug on the sink U bend looked similar size. So got a pair of pliers and removed it from the sink then cross threaded it into the Merc sump. Bought 19 litres of oil and drove home stopping 3 times to refill as it was still leaking.

On Monday he returned the car and got a refund!
Damn the sink plug is probably still in there - but with a new washer!

Brakes?
Well who needs them - especially when racing as the only slow you down and you need to go faster to win!
So Out practicing for big Kart race meeting and I manaded to spin off - about 20 foot off the track I hit something hard which spun the car back around and it fired up again so I hit the accelerator and went for it again - only to find at the next corner I had no brakes - the thump had been taken by the brake pipe (flex hose) and ripped it out!
So back to pits and no spare available.

Take off flex hose connector from caliper, and figure the hose will fit if I only connect it to one piston. So Cut hose end, wrap it with string to make it like an olive, then tighten it in place on the caliper. Bodge a bleed nipple onto the other inlet hole in case the scrutineer has a look!. Bit of a bleed and hit the race!
Strangely I went througha master of brake fluid in 4 laps then had no brakes - still finished the 25 lap race but the rest was hairy with a lot of sideways stuff to lose speed and some wierd lines through the esses - so much so that nobody tried to overtake!

Youth and stupidity go together quite well

IAn
Owner of an "On the Road" GT40 Replica by DAX powered by 3.9Hotwre Efi, worked over by DJ Motors. EFi Working but still does some kangaroo at low revs (Damn the speed limits) In to paint shop 18/03/08.
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Post by kiwicar »

Hi
the first engine I had in my Laverda Mirage (1159CC) when stripped for a rebuild was to found to have a set of 999cc barrels and pistons on it, barrels on the Lav are held in alignment by the bottom of the barrels, the 999cc ones are 76mm the 1159cc ones are 84 (or in that region). Anyway the difference was carried to the outside diamiter of the barrels, not suprising it was down on power a bit, actually amazing it ran at all.
Mike
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Post by JP. »

Had some oil pressure problems with our Ford 400V8 an engine after a complete stripdown came till the conclusion that in a previous history some bloke overhauld the engine using Chevy cilindernumbers.
Ford uses left bank 1,2,3,4 & right bank 5,6,7,8
Chevy uses left bank 1,4,5,7 & right bank 2,4,6,8
That meant several conrods where in the wrong position after its overhaul so it didn't take long before the rod bearings where siezed.........
While there are two conrods on one tap, one should facing frontwards and one facing backwards for proper lubrication.......................
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Post by Rossco »

Many moons ago a mate of mine bought an MG Maestro from the local garage.

We're driving down one of the country lanes near where we lived heading rapidly towards our favourite hump back bridge. As usual we got all 4 wheels off the ground and when we landed the car basically snapped along a line between the B pillars.

Yup.....it was a classic cut and shut
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Post by Paul B »

Not a car, but a Yamaha 500 single I bought in the Philippines some 12 years ago. It looked like a real nice bike when I bought it, but I soon discovered it was a total shed under the black paint and shiny engine cases.

It would not idle properly, 'just needs the air screw adjusting', the previous owner assured me. I finally discovered the spring on the air screw was the wrong one, 5mm too long, so you could never actually 'bottom the screw gently' and back out 1 1/2 turns. I then found the vacuum operated fuel pet cock had no innards, and you could not turn the fuel off.

The fuel tank cap was held together with wood screws.

The front forks had a 4mm groove in the steering stem, where the bearing cups were in upside down. It had basically sawed half way through the steering!

The drive sprockets looked brand new, but the chain was 100 years old. Why would they swap the sprockets out, but use a totally shot chain???

The alternator didn't charge, 'has a loose wire' I was told. After loads of research I discovered it had the WRONG alternator fitted and would NEVER work.

The front brake had the wrong seal in the master cylinder, so it worked as long as you bled it upside down and back to front every few hundred miles.

I actually wrote a story about the bike at the time, got a guy to post it on the web, if you're really bored one day......

http://gazette9.com/pbsr.htm

.
Last edited by Paul B on Sat Oct 18, 2008 6:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by HairbearTE »

I guy I used to know bought an Audi and said it was in good nick (which it was) apart from the drivers door window was stuck in the up position. When I took the panel off there was no motor, no regulator, just a pice of 1"x"2 firmly wedged inside the door to keep the window shut!
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john 215
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Post by john 215 »

Hi,
When i was an apprentice in the early 80's we had an 2300/2600 SD1 come in which the owner had done his own head gasket and it had gone again (suprise suprise!!) but in an effort to avoid this happening he had GLUED :shock: the cylinder head on with aradite all around the water ways. Oh what fun was had by one and all !!!
Love the sump plug story Ian, reminds me of a guy at work years ago, done a private job on a Marina, a service, on the way home the sump plug fell out and dumped all the oil on the road. the only thing he had in his tools he was taking home that would do the job was a air wrench, from which he took the connector out flattened the end with a hammer and forced into the sump, walked back to a garage and brought some oil.
He then drove back to work, stuck now with a sump with a bollocked thread he decided to weld a nut onto the sump and screw a bolt into it clever he thought :roll: I just had to stay and watch as he tried to weld this nut on, with the sump on the car still :shock: lit the gas bottles up and started to weld, this was followed by a large bang, quickly followed by panic as he first exploded the fumes in the sump followed by liqued fire falling out of it. I guees it was not his day!!!
Had a customer the other day phone up and wanted to know how much we charge to repack his airbag that had gone off :roll:
Cheers John
LIVE LIFE A QUARTER OF A MILE AT A TIME.
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